your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
