you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Mom said you looked used
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
