...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
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I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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