we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
