apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
