Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
