I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
