I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
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We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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