I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
