I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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