My room smells like vodka and shame
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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