I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
