you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I am naked and annoyed.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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