I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
