no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
