It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
