If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
sarcasm needs its own font
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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