yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
