My room smells like vodka and shame
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
