Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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