The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
