If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
