Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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