I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
