Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
