Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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