I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Randomize
