yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm passing your future prison.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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