the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
