Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
so much tequila, so little girl.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
