I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
