ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
