You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
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Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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