you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
