I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
