I need to stop coming to work sober
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
