lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
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