Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
