if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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