We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
