I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
home. puking in laundry basket.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
