I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
