I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
