we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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