I just threw up on my dentist
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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