never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
