is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
