I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
