I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
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everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
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he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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