if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
