I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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