I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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