She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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