Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
