I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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