According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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