When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
