I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
