Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
