Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
