Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
